Is it maybe my age? Or is it because I am unable to form proper relationships? But I am getting less and less pussy in my life. This is not a complaint about being sexless, but rather without some recharging contact to lovely females …
Sex is certainly nice and exciting, although I find the pure act itself rather boring and uninspiring. Orgasm is usually quicker achieved without third party support. Sure, one can look out for new kicks, like a little bit perversion on the side, drugs or mind boggling experiments (like fucking in an exploding space shuttle).
But I am hungry for something else …
I spent quite some time on personal sex and sensual culture, by doing Tantra, massage and yoga. Which is good. It’s great to know your heart chakra from your ass, as well being able to know for yourself if you feel horny or simply true love and affection for another human being. This is all very helpful. Thank you so much Mr. Insight.
But knowing stuff is one thing - now for the practical part. Already during my first Tantra days I had quite a hard time finding women who understood this new ‘thing’, being able to cope with a so called ‘emotionally grown up male’. Since I have overcome the snobbish esoteric desire to heal women with my holy penis (or Lingam as the Tantrist call the sausage bit), there is now a lot of time to experience a nice flow of energy and sexuality between a lovely Shakti and me (the so called Shiva). I am not asking for a cosmic orgy every night or the supreme priestess of Yoni in my life, just a bit understanding and tenderness beyond the old in & out mechanism.
This is not tantric snobbism. I am just a firm believer that lovemaking is a set skills, that goes way beyond a simple erection or wetness and some Uhhhs and Ahhhs.
Love technique is a pure set of physical sex skills, to know your own and your partners anatomy, erroneous zones and the effect on hormones and excitement on the human body (and side effects to the mind and emotional side as well - more of that later). Also included is knowledge about how to operate your genitals and pleasure tools, as well as the effects of different positions. In later stages you can add all sorts of games, operation of external pleasure tools and drugs as well.
The next big area is your sexual psyche, how the human mind and emotions interact with sexual energies. Now this is quite a task, but a very fulfilling one. This is were we can learn to be more open, to heal or wounds of love and learn to show and give true affection. Since sex ‘lives’ very close to our egos, there is a lot of potential for conflict, fear, hunger and madness. To master your sex psyche means mostly to confront your hungry sex maniac ego. Me! Me! Me!
For some people the last area of sex magic or spirituality is the most exciting, because they expect some sort of Steven Spielberg effects while making love or instant enlightenment by tantric penetration. Or they simply watched to much advertising bullshit.
An energetic as well as spiritual exchange always happens while making sex/love. If you have read all tantric literature in the world or not. This is more about to learn how to use these energies consciously, instead of an unaware and animalistic level (which is also useful). This is about exchange with your partner, weaving a carpet of love and energy that goes way beyond the satisfaction of an physical orgasm. It’s a deep experience that has a more lasting effect on your psyche on different levels: your ego will feel very happy about all that deep attention it received, your body is humming with energy, your soul is touched on an intimate level, that hardly exist in everyday life.
Let’s go back to my tiny ego problems …
I shed my biggest tears about sensual deprivation. I want to be touched and massaged in a fulfilling way. Once again this is an area where I did some workshops, loads of massage exchanges (with people from different massage ‘traditions’) and of course energy work. In the age of consumer Ayuveda and global esoterica, it seems very hard to find people to celebrate such a basic human ‘thing’: to touch and be touched in a nice way without any sexual drive behind it.
What drives me nuts, is that so called ‘normal’ people have such a hard time giving and receiving a simple pleasure as touching from someone else. It’s always an exclusive thing, just reserved for the one and only true partner or lover.
What a poor and limited concept.
I guess before we ever reach the stage of universal love, we need to explore the universal touch first. If you are afraid of simply touching someone in a pleasant and friendly way, how can you open your heart & mind for compassion or even love for the whole universe?
*repost 2003-09-13*
