The gothic mind created the idea of courtly love - which is a strange concept: a gentlemen courts in the highest of spirits a lady, but expect nothing but rejection and ignorance. Gothic love was a masochistic concept, because neither marriage nor sex was expected. It was all about courtship as an art. Women become unapproachable, gentlemen were supposed to suffer from romantic pain without reward.

Remember medieval marriages were all about material possessions, not love at all.

Some people think that this weird kind of admiration was one of the effects of war and crusades of the time. While the husband was far away waging war on some political enemies or pagans, the Lady of the House was left behind in charge.

Of course she was courted and honored like every leader - and of course sex and marriage was out of the question, since she was already married to a far away warlord.

The - sort of - romantic phrase ‘burning down the castle’ to conquer a woman’s resistance is also to be thought to come from that time. Since many suitors were not as romantic as we imagine knights, but rather practical materialists. If the Lord of the House is gone, so are his troops and the castle and it’s Ladies is rather weakly defended. So why not knock down the resistance and get yourself a new wife and a new piece of land as well?

Another aspect of gothic romance was the Cult of Mary, which was also very popular at that time. So many poems were dedicated to the Lady of the House and/or the Virgin Mary.

Today we still suffer from these ignorant ideas: women want to be conquered and consider themselves praiseworthy - something … someone to fight for. You still can read in personal ads about knights in shinning Armour. Gentlemen is still supposed to open doors to be a nice guy - courtesy as one of the remains of gothic courtship.

*repost from 2003*