Poor Marilyn tried all kind of partners: the smart ones, the physical ones, the nasty ones and the famous ones. But none of these relationships made her happy.

There is something in all of us that hopes that a beloved person will complete us – turn us into a perfect being and therefore give us eternal happiness. Even after many disappointments that (romantic) promise of completion still is strong.

And it is a very alluring idea! Plug and play – and your are complete, healed, perfect, loved, fucked and cared for. A partner completes our social, sexual and emotional dualities. They are strong when we are weak, they are there to reflect ourselves and complete the whole idea of male & female opposites.

Nature has built duality into our sexuality to increase the changes of survival. With free ranging male and females there is a bigger genetic variation and therefore the species is better equipped to deal with disease.

But our psyche is not based on that principal – we need the opposite sex to make babies, but we don’t need another person to grow our inner child into an inner adult.

In our minds and from experience we know that this idea of the perfect relationship is not true. In reality we often confuse our biological urges to mate & merge with our inner processes and sense of a incomplete self.

The many pieces of you: allow yourself to be complex, full of different pieces and shapes.

But instead of “completing” our self with part from another person we need to learn and accept that this is our job.

We surely can ignore that task – dive into jobs, religion, relationships, sex, kids or hobbies to distract ourselves from being “complete” and happy.

Every day you have to look at yourself and you will know if that void is nagging in the background and wants to be filled with the right pieces of your inner puzzle. Don’t feed yourself the wrong pieces – confront yourself, grow and close the gaps yourself.

Only than you are yourself. All parts are yours and you are a free person – not depended on the love, approval, confirmation and parts from other people.