Most guys who own a phone also own a penis - and are happy to use both.
Most guys who own a phone also own a penis - and are happy to use both.
When a person becomes part of your life out of habit - than love has died a long time ago.
There is always a turning point in each relationship, when the first excitement makes way for a bit more mutual understanding and trust. The understanding grows into knowing each other very well. This is followed by a stage of mutual assimilation - port of you is now part of me and vice versa.
But slowly and eerily the force of habit creeps in.
Never forget to add evolve as a person, friend and lover in ANY relationship. We humans are being that need to change and always will change. It’s up to us to live the change and act according to it - and not suppress it, just because we are used to something we loved ten years ago …
Sometimes going for a cheap joke or laugh is worth all the bitching afterwards. She will forget someday, but you’ll remember that hilarious moment forever.
Isn’t it amazing that so many movie and TV series deal with magical relationships: mortal boy meets witch girl.
Woman are complicated enough already - why would anyone want to added bonus of being magical as well?
Your Ikea nesting instinct made you buy the perfect kitchen and you are the perfect wife. You know how to perfectly please everybody. You know how to perfectly organize your perfect life. You read all the perfect books Oprah recommended to be perfect. And your career is going perfect too.
Too bad there is no perfect husband for your perfect fantasy world - and it’s perfectly normal that you are running out of time.
Fertility has a limited shelf life and so does your happiness … don’t waste it on perfection.
When I watch some young parents playing with their kids I often wonder: did they want a kid or simply a talking doll?
That phrase “they grow up so fast” especially sounds very stupid in that context. What did you expect what was going to happen: your baby would stay forever tiny, vulnerable and totally dependable on you - so you can play and dominate that little human?
I think it’s unfair to have only one girlfriend altogether. It should be one for each species.
Poor Marilyn tried all kind of partners: the smart ones, the physical ones, the nasty ones and the famous ones. But none of these relationships made her happy.
There is something in all of us that hopes that a beloved person will complete us - turn us into a perfect being and therefore give us eternal happiness. Even after many disappointments that (romantic) promise of completion still is strong.
And it is a very alluring idea! Plug and play - and your are complete, healed, perfect, loved, fucked and cared for. A partner completes our social, sexual and emotional dualities. They are strong when we are weak, they are there to reflect ourselves and complete the whole idea of male & female opposites.
Nature has built duality into our sexuality to increase the changes of survival. With free ranging male and females there is a bigger genetic variation and therefore the species is better equipped to deal with disease.
But our psyche is not based on that principal - we need the opposite sex to make babies, but we don’t need another person to grow our inner child into an inner adult.
In our minds and from experience we know that this idea of the perfect relationship is not true. In reality we often confuse our biological urges to mate & merge with our inner processes and sense of a incomplete self.
The many pieces of you: allow yourself to be complex, full of different pieces and shapes.
But instead of “completing” our self with part from another person we need to learn and accept that this is our job.
We surely can ignore that task - dive into jobs, religion, relationships, sex, kids or hobbies to distract ourselves from being “complete” and happy.
Every day you have to look at yourself and you will know if that void is nagging in the background and wants to be filled with the right pieces of your inner puzzle. Don’t feed yourself the wrong pieces - confront yourself, grow and close the gaps yourself.
Only than you are yourself. All parts are yours and you are a free person - not depended on the love, approval, confirmation and parts from other people.
I wonder if Beethoven had an arguing couple in mind, when he wrote his 5th symphony? Just watch and enjoy. 
Love seems a good that only gets more interesting the more complicated it is to get it. That might be more a game of the ego instead of the heart. Being nice, being loved and loving someone can be pretty easy - if your ego just could stop demanding stuff attached to love itself.
Since it is now scientifically proven that blonde woman are a bad influence on us males - maybe different colored woman should do something to help us escape that evil spell?
This also shines a different light on all the fake blondes out there. Woman usually say that men like them to be dumb. But in reality woman make themselves blonde to make us guys dumber. So put your cards on the table ladies: you are the ones who like dumb partners - not us!
The gothic mind created the idea of courtly love - which is a strange concept: a gentlemen courts in the highest of spirits a lady, but expect nothing but rejection and ignorance. Gothic love was a masochistic concept, because neither marriage nor sex was expected. It was all about courtship as an art. Women become unapproachable, gentlemen were supposed to suffer from romantic pain without reward.
Remember medieval marriages were all about material possessions, not love at all.
Some people think that this weird kind of admiration was one of the effects of war and crusades of the time. While the husband was far away waging war on some political enemies or pagans, the Lady of the House was left behind in charge.
Of course she was courted and honored like every leader - and of course sex and marriage was out of the question, since she was already married to a far away warlord.
The - sort of - romantic phrase ‘burning down the castle’ to conquer a woman’s resistance is also to be thought to come from that time. Since many suitors were not as romantic as we imagine knights, but rather practical materialists. If the Lord of the House is gone, so are his troops and the castle and it’s Ladies is rather weakly defended. So why not knock down the resistance and get yourself a new wife and a new piece of land as well?
Another aspect of gothic romance was the Cult of Mary, which was also very popular at that time. So many poems were dedicated to the Lady of the House and/or the Virgin Mary.
Today we still suffer from these ignorant ideas: women want to be conquered and consider themselves praiseworthy - something … someone to fight for. You still can read in personal ads about knights in shinning Armour. Gentlemen is still supposed to open doors to be a nice guy - courtesy as one of the remains of gothic courtship.
*repost from 2003*
Is this a joke? Sadly it isn’t.
I already find the concept of real life speed dating pretty horrid: you meet in a big crowd in a restaurant and each person gets a few minute to introduce themselves to the next person. Then the guys rotate to another place and the next round of speedy first impressions starts …
Now you’ll do it all over the net or just leave a video resume via webcam. I presume having sex and splitting up is also done via a cool web interface?
I am no stranger to Internet dating myself, but I am afraid that people get more excited about all the tech and the huge ’selection’ of partners - instead of really getting into making new friends and dedicating some time to getting to know someone better.
Friendship takes time. Relationships even longer. There is no such thing as speed as for good love or lovemaking. Only mental mouseturbation works well with speed …
Aging Rockstar rides a second round into young pussy land - to find once again the love of his life.
Isn’t it nice that some old rich rock farts get alls the pussy for nothing? Where is the proper Dire Straits song when you need it?
I am - also once again - amazed that such low flying social porn sells so well. But it’s also cheaply produced: some no-longer-important-person looking for a PR gig - and loads of young and fertile persons looking for some gold and fame to dig.
Maybe it’s just our regular DNA programming of spreading ourselves disguised as a very bad TV show?
I am constantly amazed what kind of ‘reality’ soaps get made for the telebrain. VH1 is one of the biggest producer of amazing crap. Social porn in form of dating and humping shows are their genre. And they fiercely milk every dollar out of every micro celebrity they have created themselves. Excellent business concept!
The lovely lady above is such an example: she used to be a candidate for a dating show (big rap star looking for the perfect bitch), then she got her own mating series (I love New York - watch all episodes online if you dare)- and now ‘we’ are facing round two of this personality disaster.
Most amazing is that hundreds if not thousand of guys tried in auditions all over the US and via the intranets to get on the show as the perfect lover. I guess reality shows really create our reality more and more.
A divorce is nothing unusual - unless you are in politics. Nicolas and Cecilia Sarkozy played nice - until he won the election. Now they go separate ways. In Europe people don’t care that much about the personal affairs of politicians: being gay or divorced … or being a woman doesn’t really matter. And that’s a good thing!
Is it maybe my age? Or is it because I am unable to form proper relationships? But I am getting less and less pussy in my life. This is not a complaint about being sexless, but rather without some recharging contact to lovely females …
Sex is certainly nice and exciting, although I find the pure act itself rather boring and uninspiring. Orgasm is usually quicker achieved without third party support. Sure, one can look out for new kicks, like a little bit perversion on the side, drugs or mind boggling experiments (like fucking in an exploding space shuttle).
But I am hungry for something else …
I spent quite some time on personal sex and sensual culture, by doing Tantra, massage and yoga. Which is good. It’s great to know your heart chakra from your ass, as well being able to know for yourself if you feel horny or simply true love and affection for another human being. This is all very helpful. Thank you so much Mr. Insight.
But knowing stuff is one thing - now for the practical part. Already during my first Tantra days I had quite a hard time finding women who understood this new ‘thing’, being able to cope with a so called ‘emotionally grown up male’. Since I have overcome the snobbish esoteric desire to heal women with my holy penis (or Lingam as the Tantrist call the sausage bit), there is now a lot of time to experience a nice flow of energy and sexuality between a lovely Shakti and me (the so called Shiva). I am not asking for a cosmic orgy every night or the supreme priestess of Yoni in my life, just a bit understanding and tenderness beyond the old in & out mechanism.
This is not tantric snobbism. I am just a firm believer that lovemaking is a set skills, that goes way beyond a simple erection or wetness and some Uhhhs and Ahhhs.
Love technique is a pure set of physical sex skills, to know your own and your partners anatomy, erroneous zones and the effect on hormones and excitement on the human body (and side effects to the mind and emotional side as well - more of that later). Also included is knowledge about how to operate your genitals and pleasure tools, as well as the effects of different positions. In later stages you can add all sorts of games, operation of external pleasure tools and drugs as well.
The next big area is your sexual psyche, how the human mind and emotions interact with sexual energies. Now this is quite a task, but a very fulfilling one. This is were we can learn to be more open, to heal or wounds of love and learn to show and give true affection. Since sex ‘lives’ very close to our egos, there is a lot of potential for conflict, fear, hunger and madness. To master your sex psyche means mostly to confront your hungry sex maniac ego. Me! Me! Me!
For some people the last area of sex magic or spirituality is the most exciting, because they expect some sort of Steven Spielberg effects while making love or instant enlightenment by tantric penetration. Or they simply watched to much advertising bullshit.
An energetic as well as spiritual exchange always happens while making sex/love. If you have read all tantric literature in the world or not. This is more about to learn how to use these energies consciously, instead of an unaware and animalistic level (which is also useful). This is about exchange with your partner, weaving a carpet of love and energy that goes way beyond the satisfaction of an physical orgasm. It’s a deep experience that has a more lasting effect on your psyche on different levels: your ego will feel very happy about all that deep attention it received, your body is humming with energy, your soul is touched on an intimate level, that hardly exist in everyday life.
Let’s go back to my tiny ego problems …
I shed my biggest tears about sensual deprivation. I want to be touched and massaged in a fulfilling way. Once again this is an area where I did some workshops, loads of massage exchanges (with people from different massage ‘traditions’) and of course energy work. In the age of consumer Ayuveda and global esoterica, it seems very hard to find people to celebrate such a basic human ‘thing’: to touch and be touched in a nice way without any sexual drive behind it.
What drives me nuts, is that so called ‘normal’ people have such a hard time giving and receiving a simple pleasure as touching from someone else. It’s always an exclusive thing, just reserved for the one and only true partner or lover.
What a poor and limited concept.
I guess before we ever reach the stage of universal love, we need to explore the universal touch first. If you are afraid of simply touching someone in a pleasant and friendly way, how can you open your heart & mind for compassion or even love for the whole universe?
*repost 2003-09-13*
Giving your girlfriend sexy new shoes - priceless. Redecorating your living room - three days.
Overall reproduction and the spreading of our genes dictates how we select partners. Most people think we are mostly turned on by money, full lips, big tits and fat wallets. But our quest for good partner goes much deeper.
But we also sniff out compatible partners: we can judge by the smell of a person if their genetic code gives our offspring’s a greater variety and therefore a better chance for survival. The greater the variety the sexier the smell.
So perfume may help a bit to enhance your chances, but overall you can’t hide your genetic code/small forever.
I love you.
I love YOU.
I love you.
Please repeat forever in random order.
It’s amazing how the most sophisticated brain on this planet gets pretty limited by the right cocktail or hormones and mental stimulation. Some brain scientists have compared brains in love to serious conditions of mental illness, because it’s often over stimulated and highly stressed. Happiness overkill. But the ‘good’ news is, that no body can keep up that high outpouring of internal chemicals - so the stress will go away and your subject of desire will turn into a normal human and so will you.
Isn’t love great? Somewhere out there waits your perfect soulmate for you. Right? Wrong! If there is one idea in the spiritual scene that drives me nuts it’s the illusion of the soulmate, because it’s so wonderful egoistic and blatant unspiritual …
The very idea of the soul mate is so very appealing: the great cosmos has just the perfect match for you in store. You now longer need to surf russianbrides.com or draw angel cards in the morning to find him or her.
What is your soul mate supposed to be? First of all, this person connects to you on an extremely deep level - yay - it’s not just the usual shared interests and screwing all day - this time it’s spiritual!
I just wonder what a connection on ’soul level’ really means? Total understanding? That would rather imply you are clones of each other, not very exciting. And why is total understanding so important that makes it such a top priority to most people within relationships?
It’s one of the main mental fixations of stressed modern individualists that hardly anyone understands them. Why does nobody understand you - simple in most cases: people hardly communicate and care for each other anymore. To know a person well and participate in their lives takes a serious amount of time and dedication. Sending an eCard from work and met once in while to have a latte together hardly counts as ‘involved’.
In an era, where many people suffer from loneliness, depressions (harhar) and single lifestyle - nobody wants to embarrass themselves or their friends by being ‘emotional’, ‘high maintenance’ or ‘too serious’. It’s the age of easy friendships, fun and laughter … join the party and don’t you dare to come depressed. Join the fucking prozac nation of happiness.
So a ‘good understanding’ of another person can be achieved with some work and time - you don’t need a soulmate for that one. To connect to other people is a simple set of social skills, not a big spiritual task.
Back to the ‘connecting at soul level’ - another illusion about the soulmate is the reincarnation myth. Would it be great walk the path to nirvana with friends, lovers and family from former lifetimes?
I personally believe in reincarnation, but that’s as much thought I give about the whole thing. Why? It doesn’t matter that we already lived once or a hundred times. I am living now! I must take responsibility about people and actions I do in this lifetime. Spending to much time thinking about reincarnation is like trying to insure yourself against life …
People love the whole karma thing, because it’s an easy way to score points for being a good person! The concept of good and bad karma is very ‘logical’ and appealing for spiritual types (like saving points in your local supermarket - but only for the next life). But it confuses most of them. It transforms them into karma nazis: ‘Oh look at this crippled guy over there, he must had have bad karma in his last life, that’s why he is so disfigured in this life.’
Why do people love the idea of karmic relationships - lasting several life spans? It’s a nice romantic idea: life lasts only once, love forever. This idea seems to appeal especially to women or men who like to cling to their partners. ‘Hey, I will be stuck on you for several reincarnations - how do you like that?’ Yuck!
Since nobody can proof we really incarnate, there is also no proof our souls come back as the same or similar package. And this is a stupid idea anyway. The whole idea of the karma cycle is that you try improve yourself and come back as a more evolved soul (depending what you did last time and what you have to learn on your next tour). Some traditions say that our soul lives start as insects or other less aware life forms. We hopefully graduate with each experience on this earth to finally exit to nirvana anyway.
What would be the point of reincarnation, if the same old boring you would come back like a television rerun? This would be like Groundhog day, repeating yourself with the same people and mistakes until you ‘get it’? Nah …
Most boring of all: why would you spent your next lifetime with the very same souls you already met last time? If this cosmos stand for one thing it’s diversity and complexity - there are billions of different stars, alone on this planet we have millions of species and again billions of life forms walking this earth. I bet my life that the spiritual cosmos is at least as complex, colorful and chaotic as the real one (if a separation exists at all!).
And in this universe nothing gets lost nor wasted. My guess: like matter gets reused to build stars, dogs and biscuits - spiritual energy won’t get lost, but recreated into a new soul.
Let’s get to the most egoistic part of the soulmate thing: that there is an exclusive partner in the universe just for you to love and live with. What an ego centric view of spirituality. First of all we are ALL soulmates! It’s the very idea of almost all religions and spiritual traditions is that we all have a soul and are equally created before God(s).
Another very basic spiritual idea that speaks against the exclusive soulmate is the concept of universal love. An enlightened being should be able to love everyone and everything the same way. An exclusive soulmates does ‘not compute’ within the equation of universal love.
And speaking of love or rather lovemaking we come to the last, but deepest illusion about the soulmate. Screwing your soulmate is supposed to catapult you to a higher state of consciousness - the perfect cosmic fuck guarantees the perfect cosmic bliss. Heaven on earth. The ultimate union between two people, surfing the spiritual energy wave. Enlightenment by super pussy and long dong lingam.
I certainly subscribe to this very idea, since I have done tantra and still adore many of it’s ideas. But the ultimate orgasm is not the end nor the means to enlightenment. It’s a great moment, you relax, you are happy, you are loved and love. But does it really make you a better person?
But using a soulmate as a substitute for your own happiness or enlightenment is a feeble excuse: ‘When I’ve found my soulmate everything will be fine.’ Nah, spiritual work is your own lonely duty.
Once again the idea of the soulmate is just used by the ego to promise itself a better life … another illusion to get rid off to come closer to this state of existence.
Soulmates? They are all around you. Don’t try to screw them all, start by with accepting them in their crazy variety and with all their sins. Most of all: start loving yourself in an universal way and share that feel to everyone and everything …
*repost 2003-10-05*
An elephant and his mahut are a special kind of family. Sometimes when beloved work elephants die, people erect little temples in their honor. Too bad we hardly have any personal relationship to nature and the other inhabitants of this great planet.
On the other side - I can’t build a temple for every McChicken, Cow and Fish I ate …
Some people call it love, others call it hormones. Some people call it lust, others call it hormones as well. Our brain loves drugs and loves being in love. That pink feeling is just the nicest kick around.
Too often we are distort ourselves into pleasing others to love us. The need to feel loved and accepted can make people do crazy stuff, because our ego doesn’t like to stand apart or has the strength to withstand social pressure. But the inner black hole can only be filled or dissolved by self love and self respect, something you can only give yourself - nobody else.